It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
