I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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