Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
