Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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