Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
