Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
