He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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