After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
