I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
