If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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