Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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