When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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