I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
