I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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