I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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