LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
