Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
