Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
