i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
