Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
