there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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