I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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