I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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