my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
