Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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