He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
