Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
