Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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