moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
