Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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