I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm at about main and main street
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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