Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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