i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
