Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
