I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
