I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
