On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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