Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
