Why are handjobs necessary in class?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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