She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
