I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
