mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
