I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
