then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
