Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
