Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
