Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?