fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to calm my uterus...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
