just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
