just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
