I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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