lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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