There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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