Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
