i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
