apparently the secret to your success is patron
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
