So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
