walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
