laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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