Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
