if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize