Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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