Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
