i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
