Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
