I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
