I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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