I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
