Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
