i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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