Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
