Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
