I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I FOUND THE LEGS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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