Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
