I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
