oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
