Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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