New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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