Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
