I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
