If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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