the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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